NO WAY OUT!!!

 No way out.....

At a fund raiser recently. I was introduced to a very very "racktaculous" woman, by my wife.  Reflexively, I did what every "BOOBY" lover does... In a "guy instant" I "glance checked" "THEM" out, and filed them in my booby memory as "Very SAT." (SAT = Satisfactory for non sailors)

I'm sure that this minor and ever so friendly "assessment" took only an instant, and hence, the conversation continued in a convivial manner.

Sue later smiled at me and said what were you staring at?

Duh.... Didn't think I was staring... "I was merely noticing that...."

Authors Note:
.... I'm going to stop here and try to explain what and where my mind went and why I was hosed from the first moment I opened my mouth.

1. My wife is a marathon runner, physically fit, and built for speed.
    CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!

2. I noticed that the cleavage on the lady I just met looked like a squished up butt.. not bad, but way to much out there...

3. Having seen my wife's butt earlier, I made what I thought was a well thought out compliment.

4. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

And my ever so expected to be purely complimentary sentence as spoken:

              "I merely noticed that her boobs are as big as your butt!"  

At the table, yes, I said this at the table, jaws opened, male and female alike, men no doubt because they realized my fatal commission, women, because they realized my inability to sensor myself, thus creating a "hurtful" situation. On my part, I didn't register the insanity that had suddenly befell me. 

Only after seeing the horror and incredulous looks of the people at the table, and then only after playing the Roger Campanelli sponsored "Oh Shit! Instant Video Replay" over in my head, did I realized I had once again committed myself, naked and boat-less, to a wide, raging, rocky, river of freezing cold spring water, with half a breath, a sinus infection, and a full stomach (didn't wait my 20 minutes.)

While everyone saw, and heard, me fall in the "River Du' CaCa", they all walked away shaking their heads, no doubt thankful, and reassured, that I would forever be removed from the Gene Pool..

I am now doing shame..........

Campy Out!

I NEED A HOCKEY FIX! (My first hockey post??)

Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

I wish we would all agree to stop posting and re-posting the same mindfully nauseating, yet overly prolific, I miss you, touch an angel, save a whale, vegan, everybody friendly, politically correct, I'm running for President but can't find my ass with both hands, funny cat, laughing baby, ethereally painted motivational scenes by Thomas Kinkade (Oh, he died), milk drinking kitten, homecoming, Spring bloom, April fresh, puppy sleeping, warm beach hand held sunsets, California weather, and any other nice feeling, uppity, motivational, hot cheerleader in matching baggy pants and turtle neck set by Nike BA-LOW-NEE!!!

Wonk! Wonk! Wonk!

I need an old fashioned Zamboni smelling cool air, horn blaring, whistle blowing, blood and teeth on the ice, gloves off, shattered plexiglass, wild puck in the audience, beer, hot dog, AND roasted peanut section, front row, grudge match hockey game!

HOCKEY! HOCKEY! HOCKEY! I do so miss Hockey!

I watched "Goon" tonight for the 3rd time this week, and it's only Monday. 

I'll be the first to admit its a pretty stupid movie, wholly based on the great hockey demon, the enforcer or assassin, demonstrating of a lot of fighting, and blood, and swearing, yet gay friendly, and cordial (really), with just the spit perfect amount of hold my hand Elmo love making, to fill in the empty space between fights and swearing. 

Man... I so have to get my "T" back into spec. 

I know, this is over a year old, but it makes me happy!  Go Bruins!!!  Dig the reference by the commentator... "Somebody's leakin'!"

Campy Out!

April is Parkinson's Awareness Month

 It has been some time since I've posted, mainly because I've been busy messing up my "man shed," tuning up small engines for the Spring and Summer seasons, rebuilding an old 1954 ShopSmith Mark V, taking care of my service dog "The Chief" who had 4 knee surgeries in the past 2 months, and visiting with the Gimps and Geezers when I get the chance.

I wanted to take the time to write a quick note and post a movie about Parkinson's Disease, after all April is Parkinson's Awareness Month. So here goes!




Campy Out!

I can't wait for Summer's night sky

Laying on my back, just watching the sky, on the boat...


Temporal Distortion from Randy Halverson on Vimeo.



Campy Out!

Sorry I missed your instant message.....

I walked away from the PC and started fixing the dining table leg, and then got really into buffing the table top with four coats of paste wax and the random orbit car polisher.  I noticed that I got a bunch of wax on the not so slippery Linoleum floor only to find that the floor is now wicked slippery. 

I started to scrub the floor with Soft Scrub in an effort to remove the wax (good luck) on the now slippery and sudsy floor, when I realized I was late on my Parkinson's medicine and hadn't eaten.  I cooked up and ate left over hamburger stew like a starving Basset Hound, washed the plastic "Parkinsonsproof" dishes, and started to carry my hand tools to the man shed only to remember that I hadn't taken my meds yet. 

I shot back into the house, took my meds, ran back outside to shut the shed door, when I slipped in the grassy mud and landed straight on my ass! I sat in the muddy-grass-depressed-ass-print and rain a bit dazed, but the cool North West "drizzle" on my face felt cool and refreshing. 

While looking up into the gray cloudy sky, I realized a couple of things:

1. No matter what my physical condition or mental capacity has been over my life, I've always managed to get myself into a place where I try to do too much at the same time!

2. I don't really have a plan or a clue of what I'm going to do next.

3. On good days, the thing that I start in the morning, is usually the last thing I pick up in before I stop working, which makes it easy to start working the next day.

4. On bad days, I can't find my ass with both hands let alone find what I started... ever.

5. Now I know why Don talks to himself so much. 

6.  It's nice to know someone is still talking.

7. The wet cold muddy grass and the windy cool rain felt very very good... Today. 

 
So I laid there, in the cool, muddy, wet grass for a few more minutes just to breath in the moment...

Campy Out!