NO WAY OUT!!!

 No way out.....

At a fund raiser recently. I was introduced to a very very "racktaculous" woman, by my wife.  Reflexively, I did what every "BOOBY" lover does... In a "guy instant" I "glance checked" "THEM" out, and filed them in my booby memory as "Very SAT." (SAT = Satisfactory for non sailors)

I'm sure that this minor and ever so friendly "assessment" took only an instant, and hence, the conversation continued in a convivial manner.

Sue later smiled at me and said what were you staring at?

Duh.... Didn't think I was staring... "I was merely noticing that...."

Authors Note:
.... I'm going to stop here and try to explain what and where my mind went and why I was hosed from the first moment I opened my mouth.

1. My wife is a marathon runner, physically fit, and built for speed.
    CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!

2. I noticed that the cleavage on the lady I just met looked like a squished up butt.. not bad, but way to much out there...

3. Having seen my wife's butt earlier, I made what I thought was a well thought out compliment.

4. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

And my ever so expected to be purely complimentary sentence as spoken:

              "I merely noticed that her boobs are as big as your butt!"  

At the table, yes, I said this at the table, jaws opened, male and female alike, men no doubt because they realized my fatal commission, women, because they realized my inability to sensor myself, thus creating a "hurtful" situation. On my part, I didn't register the insanity that had suddenly befell me. 

Only after seeing the horror and incredulous looks of the people at the table, and then only after playing the Roger Campanelli sponsored "Oh Shit! Instant Video Replay" over in my head, did I realized I had once again committed myself, naked and boat-less, to a wide, raging, rocky, river of freezing cold spring water, with half a breath, a sinus infection, and a full stomach (didn't wait my 20 minutes.)

While everyone saw, and heard, me fall in the "River Du' CaCa", they all walked away shaking their heads, no doubt thankful, and reassured, that I would forever be removed from the Gene Pool..

I am now doing shame..........

Campy Out!