A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a three incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a three incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor
"We're getting granite counter tops."
Campy Out!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Things not to do if you have Parkinson's
Sucks to be me...
Again!
Smashed my right index finger between the brake drum and the rim of the backing plate on my truck!
After about 4 hours of significantly increasing throbbing, I decided it was time to do the nasty deed of heating up the old paper clip trick.
Where is a good IDC when I decide to invoke something I used to do on a daily basis?
After I botched the attempt twice with a freakin smaller than called for paper clip, I progressed to a 1/8 in titanium drill bit.
Well to make this self inflicted ordeal as brief as possible, I finally got to the nail bed for the third time, and decided to suck the blood out. Not much there.
Think I smashed the itty bitty bone at the tip of my finger (tuft fracture) and now it's open with my spit in it.
What did I learn?
1. Get someone else to do the popping, preferably an IDC.
2. Use a bigger paper clip the first time.
3. If the subungal hematoma doesn't look full of blood, it isn't, so don't pop it to begin with.
4. Drilling holes in burned holes sucks!
5. Scotch works...
6. Oh... The most important one... don't try this if you have Parkinson's Disease.
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Campy out!
Smashed my right index finger between the brake drum and the rim of the backing plate on my truck!
After about 4 hours of significantly increasing throbbing, I decided it was time to do the nasty deed of heating up the old paper clip trick.
Where is a good IDC when I decide to invoke something I used to do on a daily basis?
After I botched the attempt twice with a freakin smaller than called for paper clip, I progressed to a 1/8 in titanium drill bit.
Well to make this self inflicted ordeal as brief as possible, I finally got to the nail bed for the third time, and decided to suck the blood out. Not much there.
Think I smashed the itty bitty bone at the tip of my finger (tuft fracture) and now it's open with my spit in it.
What did I learn?
1. Get someone else to do the popping, preferably an IDC.
2. Use a bigger paper clip the first time.
3. If the subungal hematoma doesn't look full of blood, it isn't, so don't pop it to begin with.
4. Drilling holes in burned holes sucks!
5. Scotch works...
6. Oh... The most important one... don't try this if you have Parkinson's Disease.
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Campy out!
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